


Thoughts and Stories Shared

by AithuzahFic (veritably_mad)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Epistolary, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 17:58:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4069318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veritably_mad/pseuds/AithuzahFic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Merlin embarks on a long-term expedition to bring magical resources back to Camelot, he exchanges letters about his progress with Arthur and Gwen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thoughts and Stories Shared

_To Her Royal Highness and His Royal Haughtiness,_

Gwen, if you're somehow still putting up with Arthur and his world of paperwork and politics instead of fleeing to an adventurous life on the road (as I have) or a peaceful one in the country, you have all of my respect and admiration. Of course, you've always had that, but I'll add my deepest sympathy, as well. I've no idea how you manage it; you are a far braver and stronger person than I am.

Arthur, has the kingdom fallen down around your ears yet, or is Gwen carrying your weight while I'm not there to help? You'd better not be getting into trouble of the deadly kind, because we're enjoying ourselves far too much for me to magic us back to Camelot for anything less than a dire emergency.

Speaking of magic and dire situations, we met Morgana on our way out of the kingdom. She's still living with Iseldir's tribe, but she says she'll find Werion's people soon enough and sort out the artifact reclamation disputes. She also caught up with another one of the rebel factions. Just a small group of naive young Druids led by a stubborn, suspicious elder caught up in his own interpretation of prophecy. You know how it goes. Morgana will tell you more about them in her report.

You should know she has learned quite a lot from the Druids, and more than that, I've never seen her so happy. I think she feels at home there, like she's settled into herself. I don't think I'm explaining it right, so you'll have to visit her and see what I mean for yourself, won't you? I think she'd like that.

She won't say it, but she still feels guilty for everything she did while under Morgause's control. And even though she says she's forgiven me for poisoning her, that she understands why I felt I had to do it, I don't think she has. To be honest, neither have I.

All of us have regrets, mistakes and bad decisions and ignorance that we need to make up for somehow, if we can. Some time apart will help us mend. We'll talk again later when both of us have had our space to think and forgive both ourselves and each other.

I'm writing from our rooms in a tavern just east of Anglia. Gwaine is downstairs befriending staff and patron alike while Lancelot admires the contents of a small antiques shop that caught his eye in town. Some pair of escorts you sent along with me. They're more like sightseers than emissaries.

I do have to admit that I'd be hopelessly lost without them, since they've been through almost every town in the five kingdoms between the pair of them. They're familiar with the areas, not to mention customs and courtesies that would never have occurred to me. At times I still feel like the wide-eyed boy I was when I first arrived in Camelot, even though I've traveled with and for Arthur as servant and sorcerer since then.

This is my first time journeying completely of my own volition. There's still so much of the world I haven't seen, and the more I see of it, the bigger I realize it is. I've traveled on foot, on horseback, even on the back of a dragon, and I've only seen a tiny piece of all there is. The mission is for Camelot's resources and relationships with other kingdoms, of course, expanding our scope now that we're not under attack and at war all the time. But still.

Now that I've rambled through half my letter, I suppose it's time for business. The details are in my report, obviously, but here's a brief summary:

Anglia and Essex have books and relics confiscated during the Purge locked in storage, but they were willing to negotiate terms of release and return. They weren't happy having me there, to say the least. (The words "wary" and "condescending" come to mind, though how they managed to blend those two feelings so perfectly is beyond me.) They all asked, forcefully, multiple times, if you would come speak with them yourself. I had to remind them that as the high king and queen, you were well within your rights to delegate a task involving _magical_ information and _magical_ objects to your resident _expert on magic_.

The fact that they were willing to see me at all, though, let alone agree to our terms, was...incredible. They're finally coming around to the idea that magic is returning to the kingdoms with Camelot's support. I can hardly believe it myself, sometimes, but this makes it feel a little more real.

I spent some time studying the books they made available to me. I've spent most of my life with no guide but my instincts, no teacher other than my mother. Gaius and the book of magic he gave me were more than I could have ever hoped for, and now I'm faced with a thousand times their knowledge. It would take lifetimes to learn every spell we'll uncover during this trip. It's overwhelming, exhilarating, and, well, magical.

I keep getting off track. Sorry.

You should receive the books and items that came from Camelot any day now, if they haven't arrived already. We'll be on our way to the next kingdom in the morning, so I ought to collect Gwaine and Lance and head to bed so we can get an early start.

Gwen, take some time to yourself and visit your friends among the servants and the Lower Town. The company of earnest folk is a relief after so much time with stuffy nobles, and you deserve all the relief you can get.

Arthur, don't be a prat, and don't forget to look after yourself. I promise the kingdom won't fall if you stop working during dinner.

With all my love for you both,

_Merlin_

P.S. If a dire emergency does occur, remember that the instructions and materials to activate the scrying spell are in the left bottom drawer of the chest in your chambers.

P.P.S. Gwaine and Lance send their love as well, and were deeply offended I neglected to mention this earlier.

 

 

ooOOoo

 

_Merlin,_

You've hardly been gone any time at all and it feels like ages! I know you're terribly busy, as we are, but one letter after so long just isn't enough. If you're going to spend so much time away, you have to write far more often than you have, understand?

The items you sent have all arrived and Geoffrey is cataloguing them. He has some strange sort of organizational method, but it seems to work, and a few families have already claimed their lost heirlooms and books. Like you requested, anything that seems dangerous has been locked under guard until you or Gaius can verify its purpose and power.

More and more families from all over the kingdom are sending their children to be taught by Druids in the castle rooms we've converted. We've ordered copies made of certain pages from your old magic book so everyone doesn't need to huddle around the original. Perhaps some of the books you send can be used in their lessons, as well. When I've had a few free moments, I've stopped by to listen in, and I know Arthur has, too.

Arthur misses you terribly. He still hasn't gotten used to not having you around at his beck and call day and night. It's a bit ridiculous, really. It was bad enough once you were made a freeman and given your new titles and responsibilities, but at least you were in the castle, where he could find you.

He says he's relieved for the competence of his new servant, but I've caught him pouting more than once. It's adorable. I wish you could see it. I wish you were here.

I'm sorry, that's selfish of me. I know how excited you are to be out there, learning about magic and all that. I just miss talking to you. You, of anyone, know what this sudden change in status is like.

It's unsettling, isn't it? One day it's as it's always been, and then suddenly everyone you know is treating you so differently, as though you're someone else now. People are calling me "Your Highness" and "Her Majesty" and I have to remind myself that yes, they are talking to me, and haven't mistaken me for someone else.

Arthur does his best to understand, and it's sweet, but he was born into this world. He has never been a servant like you or I, and neither has my brother or Percival or the other new peasant knights, though they do understand in part. I'm so grateful Elyan is back in my life. I couldn't do this without him keeping me grounded.

(Even without you, Gwaine, and Lance around, he and Percy have gotten into enough trouble to fill pages and turn Leon's hair grey. I'll have to tell them to write you about it all.)

But none of them have gone from being as near invisible as a person can be to being so known by everyone, and not known at all at the same time. I haven't taken on all of a queen's responsibilities just yet, thankfully. Geoffrey and Arthur are still teaching me the customs of court and the intricacies of politics that I'll need. It's a long process, and I haven't become accustomed to having my own maidservant, either. I'm awake with half the morning chores finished before she comes in--though I absolutely require Sefa's help getting into these gorgeous, ridiculous dresses.

Sometimes I do think about running away from the stress and pressure of it all, but even with all of that...I'm happy. I am. I have the power to help people and ensure that the servants and commonfolk of Camelot are treated with care and respect. There's so much to learn and do that it's overwhelming, but I want to be ~~their~~  our voice here among all these "stuffy nobles," as much as I can.

To do that...You're right. I need to remind my friends that I will always be Gwen to them, even when foreign kings must call me Queen Guinevere.

I don't know how all of this is for you, really. We didn't get a chance to speak much even when you were here, what with everything that was going on after Uther's funeral and Morgana's return. We were so busy then, and now you're off on another adventure while Arthur and I try to keep the more close-minded nobles from planning a coup, and I don't know when we'll be able to talk like we used to again. I can only guess that what you're feeling is something like this mix of excitement, fear, confusion, disbelief, awe...just about every feeling someone can have, all knotted up and stuck in my chest.

When you return, we'll make time for a nice long dinner, just the two of us, trading the stories and thoughts we couldn't share on paper. I look forward to that day, and every letter between then and now.

Write us as often as you can, and we'll do the same.

With love,

_Gwen_

 

ooOOoo

 

_To the Court Jester who calls himself a Sorcerer,_

As much as your aid is appreciated, the kingdom will not fall without your esteemed presence. I have been trained to rule since birth, you might recall. Admittedly, my methods deviate rather severely from my father's, and that is in part due to yours and Guinevere's influences, but the point stands that I was raised into this role. I do not appreciate the implications of my inadequacy for it, particularly coming from someone so painfully incompetent that he fell asleep during his own induction ceremony.

If you attend any formal events on your travels, please remember you are representing the whole of Camelot and try not to embarrass yourself--and us--too badly. If that's too much to ask, then at the very least pretend to be sincere in your apologies, will you?

Gwen and I visited Morgana, as you suggested. You're right: you did a terrible job explaining what you meant. But I understand now, and I doubt I could do any better. That is why I had you write so many of my speeches, after all.

Seeing her that way felt like finally having our friend, my sister, back--with a notable absence of barbed remarks aimed at my ego. I wonder how long that will last, before she doesn't hesitate to give me grief again. If she ever will.

After everything that has happened to her, everything that she did both of her own will and under Morgause's command, we're happy to see her so at peace.

She found Mordred. He got caught up with a group of not-entirely-peaceful Druids who leaned more toward Morgause's beliefs, but hadn't quite yet stepped beyond the tenants of Druidic culture. I met with them while I was there, as Morgana and Iseldir's people had taken charge and integrated their tribes.

I hope, with time, they will come to believe my sincerity and good intentions toward their people--your people. Some of them seem suspicious that I will turn on them and use their visibility and lowered guard to begin a second Purge. I'll do all I can to allay their fears, and hopefully having you, Morgana, and the Druids' trust will lend my word credence. I could never do this without all of your support.

The negotiations with Queen Annis of Caerleon concluded peacefully last week. She expressed great caution and concern regarding Morgana's pardon and the reversal of my policies on magic, as she and the King had heard of the conflicts between us. I believe, however, that we convinced her of our surety. Our kingdoms have not always seen eye to eye, but the Queen and her husband were ready to accept the peace we offered, and I trust that both our peoples will benefit from it.

The delegations from Odin's kingdom and Nemeth are each scheduled to arrive by the end of the year. As always, I'm wary of Odin's intentions, but with the number of allies we've gained in the past two years, even he must be hesitant to turn his armies against us.

As for Nemeth, the Princess Mithian was once among my options for a strategic political marriage. I've never met her, but I'll be sure to tell you what a ghastly future I've escaped after her arrival.

You'll be pleased to hear that I still haven't thrown a single object at Gregory, or even raised my voice. The temptation to be anything less than a gracious master has only arisen once or twice, usually because of his absolutely abhorrent puns. I thought your sense of humor was dreadful, but Greg far outmatches you. Still, at least he has a sense of humor, unlike George, and he is a far more consistent manservant than you ever were.

Granted, that's because apprenticing for Gaius, learning magic, and saving my life and the kingdom took up your time. Time which Gregory can spend doing things like polishing my armor and getting a proper night's rest.

He's no speech writer, though. I suppose that was never part of your official duties, was it? Most of the things you did weren't. The manservant position, even for princes and kings, actually entails far less than what you took upon yourself and what I had you do.

Between his duties as physician and training Gilli, Gaius has his hands full, as well. You've delayed his retirement several years by running off to become a world-renowned warlock instead of taking his place as Court Physician, you know. I don't think he minds that as much as he misses having you underfoot all the time. As do I.

But I'm sure that's only because you aren't here to irritate me. As soon as you return, I'll be planning the next opportunity to send you on another long expedition far, far from Camelot. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say. Whoever "they" are.

You seem happy in your letter. For years you pretended to be happy here, or content at least, but I realize that you can't have been. Not completely. Not while you were living in fear. I think--I hope--that we're finally building a kingdom where you and people like you can feel safe and at home.

Even though you weren't born or raised here, and even if you aren't within her borders, I hope you will always consider Camelot your home.

Don't hesitate to request any aid or resources you need.

Your friend,

_Arthur_

P.S. Remind Gwaine that any alcohol expenses come out of his wages and are not covered by the royal coffers made available to you on this expedition. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, comments, and constructive critiques are always welcome and much appreciated. 
> 
> (I'm greedy for feedback, I admit it.)
> 
> { [come say hi!](http://aithuzah.tumblr.com) }


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